Digital book Sparks of Silence – the authors of this book bear their soul with courage, open a window to the inner tumult that occurs following a stillbirth, and shatter the thundering silence with their words.
The book is a meeting point between the different mechanisms used daily for coping with the transparent grief in a real and honest way. A concoction of powerful emotions and defining moments.
“At 21:30 I gave birth to a dead baby. A part of me also died with him. Our little Gur, a beautiful bot that resembled us and our older children, was born with eyes shut, in a birth that cannot be described in words. Any woman that went through a stillbirth can’t put into words how those moments actually feel. The body does not receive the signal that something went wrong, and it continues to produce the substances needed for a healthy baby. In stark contrast, the cognitive mind is fully aware, the soul is crushed, and it fights the body fiercely. There were moments in which I felt I was about to disappear together with my baby”
I can remember taking the first steps outside the hospital, I was looking at the world, at the people around me, and thinking to myself that none of them can imagine what we had just been through. When we got home the children asked to see a photo of the baby- such a natural request, so human. We sat together looking ay photos and crying in the upcoming days.
With tear swollen eyes and a breast engorged with milk, I helped Idan empty the closest we had prepared for the baby- tiny clothes, soft diapers, and colorful toys. I dumped the contest into boxes and Idan drove to WIZO and donated it. All of it.
I couldn’t bear smelling the fragrance of baby laundry detergent for a long time after that. ”
“With one sentence, my whole body and womb were emptied of their contents, of all possible life. The second that I received the bitter news, my whole world was shattered”